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Fuck these cheatin’ fags…

In a recent accusation by the New York Jets, head coach Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots were accused of using and utilizing illegal video-taping procedures to expose and extort  the opposing teams defensive and offensive signals to gain a competitive advantage during the game. In response, Roger Goodell- the NFL’s commissioner, stated that he would “make an example of”‘ them [the Patriots] and that they did, in fact, violate the NFL’s rules and procedures on video-taping and use of photography on the sidelines. All-in-all, the 3-time superbowl champions lead by high-and-mighty, future Hall-of-Famer head coach- Bill Belichick, fuckin’ cheated. There’s no other way to put it. These fuckin fags cheated, and they did so under the direction of a man that was considered “one of the best” by his peers and players.

The following sanctions were placed on Belichick and the New England Patriots organization.

Belichick draws $500,000 fine, but avoids suspension

[NEW YORK — New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick was fined the NFL maximum of $500,000 Thursday and the Patriots were ordered to pay $250,000 for spying on an opponent’s defensive signals.

Commissioner Roger Goodell also ordered the team to give up its first-round draft choice next year if it reaches the playoffs this season, or its second- and third-round picks if it misses the postseason.

“This episode represents a calculated and deliberate attempt to avoid long-standing rules designed to encourage fair play and promote honest competition on the playing field,” Goodell said in a letter to the Patriots.] -ESPN.com news services 

Belichick offered this statement in response:

Text of the statement from New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick after he was fined $500,000 for stealing an opponent’s signals:

“I accept full responsibility for the actions that led to tonight’s ruling. Once again, I apologize to the Kraft family and every person directly or indirectly associated with the New England Patriots for the embarrassment, distraction and penalty my mistake caused. I also apologize to Patriots fans and would like to thank them for their support during the past few days and throughout my career.

As the commissioner acknowledged, our use of sideline video had no impact on the outcome of last week’s game. We have never used sideline video to obtain a competitive advantage while the game was in progress.

Part of my job as head coach is to ensure that our football operations are conducted in compliance of the league rules and all accepted interpretations of them. My interpretation of a rule in the Constitution and Bylaws was incorrect.

With tonight’s resolution, I will not be offering any further comments on this matter. We are moving on with our preparations for Sunday’s game.” – Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press

Now here’s my problem. The fact the Belichick states that they never used game footage to gain a competitive advantage during the game is obsurd.  The whole reason that you would take this footage during a game would be to use it during the game.  The nature of a competitive advantage is to utilize strengths and current company resources directly, such that other competitors cannot duplicate or identify such resources and strengths, thus gaining an advantage.  The definition of a sustainable competitive advantage states that these value-creating processes used to create the competitive advantage are sustained over time soley because other firms cannot copy, duplicate the process, or way in which these values were created.

Belichick surely knew that these procedures were illegal, and he also knew that other teams were doing it. What pisses me off, and probably most others is: A) what this advantage gives a team during the course of a game B) why do it, and C) what team is the benefactor.  Not only can you pick apart the teams defense when you learn the signals, but you can alter your 2nd half strategies. This indefinitely helps struggling teams that lack the overall skill and talent to overcome obstacles during a game. The New England Patriots are NOT a struggling team. Almost winning 4 superbowls in 5 years would, in- fact, constitute a dynasty  to most’s standards.  To think that this ego-driven, arrogant, fuck-of-a-coach needs to cheat when he already has the talent and resources necessary to acheive is utterly fuckin’ disgusting and low.  It would be like Pepsi© or Coke© using illegal procedures- such as inside information, to pick apart a company like Moxy©. One who has no standing in the threshold of the soda market and now only exists in the New England states and surrounding markets.  It’s a miniscule Ant in the Saraha Desert of Ant Hills. They don’t stand a chance. Using illegal information or procedures to “stomp the competition” when winning is inevitable makes me wanna use my american rights to go purchase a shotgun from WalMart’s© sporting-goods section, find Belichick in his West Hampton mansion, and blow away both his kneecaps.

I can only imagine how Jet’s head coach- Eric Mangini, feels. As a direct assistant to Belichick in the earlier New England Era, he had privelaged enough responsibilites to know that this kind of thing went on and that he wasn’t going to let it happen to his team. Belichick not realizing this beforehand, is about as quick-witted as a retarded baby. 

I’ve done a lot of rambling here, but the facts are simple. One does not need to seek a new competive advantage to succeed when one already has the sustained advantage of being the best-of-the-best, and has the most efficient and skilled resources and their disposal.  One surely does not need the benefits of an illegal procedure or resource to sustain such advantage when the competition is null. The Patriots do not need this advantage, nor does their coach need to deny the fact that this advantage is used soley for that “extra edge” during a game;  doing so, only makes everyone who knows the difference angry, or the unfortunate who are, in-the-blue, regretful and un-necessarily forgiving.     

spearchainsaw.jpg     What the hell did Reese do to make that amazing candy peanut butter? That shit is fuckin’ awesome man!

I often wonder what percentage of women take massive shits and then sportfully talk about it like men. “Hey Cindy…I just took a dump the size of Shaq’s penis! It was gross! It came out of my ass all smooth like…and I just took it like a champ and said ‘IS THAT ALL YOU GOT SHAQ?’ HARDER! HARDER! HARDER!

Why is a rainbow one of the universal sign’s for homosexuality? I mean…I kinda get it…its all colorful and curved and gay-lookin’…but rainbow’s are also pretty cool when you see one. I don’t see a rainbow while I’m driving my car and look at it and say to myself, “Ha…fuckin’ QUEERS are at it again!” If anything I’m thinking that I wish I had some skittles. Or perhaps I big giant black dildo.

I wish drinking to excess was considered an admirable trait. If it were, I’d totally be that guy in a dumpster with 3 empty bottles of Glenmore next to my piss-soaked, vomit-covered trenchcoat. I’d ask for spare change only because I was admirrable and it would be a sin to refuse.  The change would totally go to some worthy cause, like, strippers-on-a-Sunday or something sweet and classy like that.

Fuck the word vacuum. Those two “U’s” suck my balls. 

I read another article today about more Mattel Toys © being recalled. I love them. They’re trying to kill stupid faggy kids. Gotta love it! One less shitty kid is another reason to get up in the morning. Cheers Mattel! I’ll drink to your obsessed, baby-killing, terrible-two’s murdering, infant-choking, faggit-kid slaying naturalistic ways. Just one more thing…make sure Wal-Mart™ gets all of the recalls…those kids REALLY suck.

Q: What’s brown, purple, red and smelly, and in my basement?  

A:  A bag of blended dicks.

If any Ninja-Turtle turned out to be a fag, I bet it would be Donatello. That name just sounds too gay to be a Ninja. Plus he wore all that purple and stuff. I wonder who decided to have a purple ninja? I mean they got orange, blue, red and purple. Why the fuck didn’t they use Brown instead of purple? Or White? White is pretty bad-ass for a ninja. What’s with the fuckin’ bow-staff as well? That’s the totally gayest weapon ever. If I was given that piece of shit for a weapon, I’d be all like…”Man fuck yo’ momma…give me tha muthafuckin’ mini-swords or a gun or some shit. Fuck this bow-staff. What am I gonna do? Go whack some Grandma’s? I wanna cut NIGGAZ UP!”

I wonder sometimes how often a time machine would be used by someone to go back one day and prevent themselves from getting an STD. I bet it would happen a LOT! There are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases. What does that say about God? He made us to fuck. Now that we’re fucking we’re supposed to die? I bet god didn’t wear no fucking latex glove around his penis. HA! Take that Jesus!

Pizza-pockets are great. They’re great when the sauce from the inside doesn’t squirt into the tender, warm, soft recesses of one’s mouth and cause 3rd degree burns that look like cancer sores. When that happens…it’s painful AND gross!

Is Stephen Hawking too smart to die? It seems to me that he’s just like…”Fuck you Lou Gherig’s Disease. I’m Stephen Hawking. You can’t defeat me. My brain is massive. Bleep! Blarrrp! Black holes!

This has been “One giant step for Man and one giant pre-ejaculation for Mankind.”

                                                                                            THE END…

I feel like being random…

September 1, 2007

Isn’t this picture fuckin’ awesome?!? 

I just felt like posting a really random article. As I sit here at work hungover, tired and full of super-duper, fun brain-juice I’ll let the shit fly.

You ever wonder why they don’t make toothpaste in really cool flavors like Jelly Belly’s©? How sweet would Krispy Kreme© toothpaste be. Or perhaps chili-cheese dog paste. Abortion paste.

Those people with those speech-impediments where they slur their “R’s” are pretty funny.

Coffee is much better with cream and sugar. How can anyone drink that black-tar-baby syrup without the refined sugar and 1/2 & 1/2 love juice? I would prefer it if I could just get some fresh tit-milk everytime I bought some coffee. “Just squeeze it into the ol’ cup-a-roo.” I’d say.  That would be fuckin’ great.  Tits are pretty amazing. Coffee, tits and tit-milk would be even more amazing! SQUISH! SQUISH!

People that just stare and don’t mutter any kind of response to a greeting or salutation are realling scary. Working in retail, I encounter this quite frequently, more so than you would imagine. There are times when I’ll check someone out and they don’t say a word. Not a single fuckin’ word. “Hello how are you?” “Here you go. Here’s your receipt. You have a great day!” ….nothin…. These people probably go home, take off their pants, and jerk it to infant porn while listening to Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” in the background.

I like popped-collars about as much as I like drinking spoiled milk from a hooker’s asshole.

I really wish there was a good competitor to Hershey’s© chocolate. Sure, there are some. Like Cadberry©, but fuck them. They don’t have theme parks.

‘Zero’ is the best number. It means nothing. Nothing is great. It can’t be good, or bad. It’s just nothing. I wanna name my kid ‘Zero’. That would be awesome. If the kid turned out to be a faliure all I’d have to say is, “Eh…what do you expect? His fuckin’ name is ‘Zero’.” Kids would also probably torment him and call him something like, “Zoro-Zero,” or “Zero the Fag-Hero.” Actually, I would probably laugh at my own kid if someone called him that.

A friend introduced me to the following video…

These guys make the “Village People” look like pedofiles. 

And the person that took this video is a pedofile…

Anybody who is obsessed with a sport so much, as to put a tattoo of their favorite team on their arm, should die. They pretty much suck at life anyway i’m sure. Them getting hit by a bus, like in that movie “Final Destination 2″ would be pretty hysterical.

When my stomach growls sometimes I think it’s telling me i’m hungry. Other times I think it’s telling me that I drink too much. I’d like to think that it’s just the shrunken Dennis Quaid and his spaceship from the movie “Inner Space” slicing my stomach lining trying to find a way out.

Pizza is the only food I think I could eat every single day of my life and not wanna throw up. Chinese is not.

Fuck China. Fuck Wal-Mart.

Hats, Hats, Hats

August 30, 2007

HATS! HATS! HATS! Come and get your fuckin’ hats.   

This is my first article in which I will attempt to show you in some form or fashion the brilliance and wit of the general public that I have to deal with on a daily basis in the summer. Ask yourself this question: “What could possibly be more annoying than dozens of adolescent, pre-teen little-leaguers screaming to each other about baseball?”

Answer: “Dozens of adolescent, pre-teen, smelly little-leaguers screaming about which baseball hat they want.” All at the same time.

Caution: This will be graphic, crude and disturbing to some… 

This conglomerate mess of shit-bag kids tends to make you understand child abuse. Makes you understand how someone could just take one of these little snot-nosed, smelly, ungrateful faggot kids and beat their ass raw with an over-heated, melted extension cord from the basement covered in hot oil.

Allow me to elaborate my anger a bit further so the general public can understand my frustration. 

For all of you who don’t know your fitted-hat specifics, these hats are special. They do not carry the all-too-familiar adjustable strap on the back to adjust the hat to fit one’s head. Instead, these hats are fitted by head circumference.  Head size is then translated into a numerical representation sized in 1/8th inch increments (i.e. 6 7/8, 7, 7 1/8th, 7 1/4 etc…) and voila! You have your fuckin’ size and we have a fuckin’ problem.

I don’t know about anyone else…but I vaguely remember learning my basic fractions and how to simplify these basic fractions- you know… 1/8th, 2/8th – simplified as 1/4, 3/8th, 4/8th – simplified as 1/2 etc… In the 4th grade!! This is not brain surgery. I realize kids under the age of 13, although they still just learned this goddamn shit, probably don’t think about that when they’re jumping up and down, drooling, spitting, blowing, throwing, pissing, kissing, and bleeding their way to choose a hat in a mix of 725. It’s the parents that scare me! How can a grown man not realize that 5/8th is bigger than 1/2?! Surely he knows that 1” inch is smaller than 2” inches? Just refer to penis size…

You also have the parents who don’t care what size their fuckin’ kid is…a 7 is going to fit that motherfucker.

“Dad I’m a 7 3/8…”

“No you’re not. You’re a size 7. I can’t do my fractions and a 7 is close enough. Plus these hats (size 7 and below) are on sale for 1/2 price. Since I’m a cheap motherfucker and I have to save my money for booze at Cooley’s Stone house Tavern- so I can get plowed and think about how much I hate your fuckin’ mother and my life, it’s a size 7 or NOTHING! Don’t make me get the extension cord covered in hot oil again.”

My particular favorite has to be the ”finger-point and demand. ”

“Excuse me….excuse me…excuse me…excuse me…excuse me…excuse me… I want that one!”

“Which one?”

“That one!” (They point to a hat in the middle of a shelf containing 45 other hats) Keep in mind that the parents do this just as much as the kids. They have no conception of time, or reality.

I cannot read minds. I do not know anyone who can. I know that in the realm of this entire universe there are probably some who can…but for now we’ll keep it simple. I cannot.

Go fuck yourself. Go grab your little, blond trophy-whore and get the fuck out of my face. Take your shit-head, spoiled piece of shit kid with you too. Or I’m going to spit on him. 

Last but not least is the act of asking for far too many hats than one can handle at one time and than not buying ANY OF THEM.  Some dickless prick will ask me to pull down 7 different size 7 hats for his size 7 3/8 test-tube-baby spawn of a son and then the faggot won’t buy any of them. No “thank you” or “thanks for doin that for us” just an “alright naw, I don’t think we’re gonna get any of em’. Common Johnnie. We gotta get back to the park now.” -so I can slam this sausage down your Hershey hallway.

GO TEAM GO!!

Mike Vick is DooDoo…

August 25, 2007

We all know about the Michael Vick dogfighting story…i’m not going to attempt to enlighten people about this any further…if you are a sports fan, than you know whats going on with this…they mention it on ESPN every fucking 20 minutes it seems. What I AM going to try and do however, is to further enlighten you on why Mike Vick is DooDoo…

This picture is a mock of last season’s game ending exit by Mike Vick in his own home of Atlanta, GA. The Falcons having a dismal season, were continually being booed by their home crowd after their losses. What any ‘normal’ athlete would do- bow head and jog to the locker room, and what Mike Vick did- flip the bird to his patriotic Atlanta fans just further shows the awful character, emotional in-stability, and idiocy this piece of shit really represents.

Sure…when they were winning he was loved. It’s normal for a home crowd to boo their beloved quarterback when repeated errors by the team are made. The quarterback always takes the credit for the win and will always take the brunt of the blows and criticism for when they lose. This is how American football works. Everyone knows that including most players. You won’t ever see Peyton Manning flipping off his home crowd after a terrible game (though they are far and few in between.) It’s this professionalism, character and leadership that Mike Vick lacks that makes him an enemy in the public eye at the heart of his legal battles. Yes fighting dogs is a crime, and yes it is pretty barbaric and not understood by most Americans (70% of polled Americans say that they treat their household pets as family members ‘USA TODAY’ ) however, with that said I also feel that Vick is representative of something larger than criminality. Straight up doo-doo. A straight up pile of steaming-pit bull-elctro-shock-Kevorkian-style-death-poo.

I think it’d be hilarious to see a televised event where Mike Vick is strapped to a lethal injection table with no pants, a pile of sauteed-steak is tied to his package, and a starved pit bull comes charging through a set of double-doors, like the coliseum tigers and completely demolishes his cock-and-ballz. Hell…why not make him eat it afterwards? You see where I’m goin’ with this??

FUCK VICK!

It would also make me happy to see the headquarters of “Bad News Kennel” (the name for Vick and company’s dogfighting ring) burned to the ground by an outstanding bunch of white-robed KKK members, -masks and all-, while they stood there and watched. Burning-cross in hand.

Amen. See you in hell Vick. or the Suberbowl…HAHAHAHAHA! BYEE BYEE!

 

 Okay i’m gonna vent right now b/c I was just about to get ready for work… however, I was interupted by the opening lineup segway of Venezuela’s little league team.

Does it piss anyone else off that, 1)They actually treat the little league world series as if it’s important to our society, 2)These kids should NOT be on fucking ESPN… for a week straight none-the-less, 3) These kids can hit the ball 400 ft. and no one is questioning their use of performance enhancing drugs, 4)THE FUCKING STARTING LINEUP IS IN VENEZUELAN. If I were actually interested in this bullshit that further promotes the Cooperstown Dreams park, or any other form of organized youth ASSBALL, and I wanted to know what little “Mayorga Sanchez’s” favorite food or player was…WOULDN’T THE FUCKING LANGUAGE HAVE TO BE IN ENGLISH????? okay thats it… that just really pissed me off…

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